A Beautiful Relationship...Why screw it up?
Okay, I guess I'm a roll...
I have a lot to say. It seems that the moment I've finished a post whether here or on My business social media profiles, I have more to say or more thoughts that I believe should be said.
That being said..
Let Me get something said and potentially straight with ye few but many who will read this. I thought after two horrible marriages, that I wasn't cut out for being happy. I wasn't even 30 when these two relationships ended and somehow I ended up being the bad guy. I was so used to living My life the way I chose to, and the hell with Me EVER conforming to being the submissive Woman by being the Housewife, barefoot with 10 kids. I wanted to rock out, make music, see and do things, make My own way. Even with barely making music or playing out live at a young age. I didn't want to end up like what every Woman that I saw around Me in My life. So I made darn sure that I didn't, even when I did marry at a young age. But I wasnt totally nasty or bitchy either. On the virge of giving up, I decided to go to a local pub about a week or so before I was to buy a one-way ticket to get the hell out of America. And yes, on the way to the loo, I meet the love of My life; Gary. We were both just recovering from really bad marriages.
And a heck of a LONG engagement, but we pretty much were living like we were married. And for the FIRST TIME in My life, I found someone who just loved Me for Me, understood Me and like Me a creative artist to help Me translate what I wanted to. So many many moons later, We start a duo.
We knew from the get go, that we were not going to change and just be happy and love each other and live happily ever after. All those years I've been so chill and not so much a typical female, hormonally crazy and all to no end. Now pushing 18 years come His next birthday. For so long, I've been quite steady in the heart and in the head, not even remotely thinking that I was susceptible to such a drastic change.
Bugger Me.. it happened.
Come 6yrs ago, it did. I changed. And especially after this last miscarriage; I definitely felt change in Me. And not just in the body, but in the head, and in My spirit. There's no running from this thing. And trying to talk to someone about it, is practically impossible. Not even a woman, all I have outside of My Husband, My Twin Soul, is God. I've never expected Myself to be so volatile, finicky and out of sorts. I've never used to second guess Myself and ride on hormonal feelings the way I have now since this "condition" happened. My mind and emotions, however girly or not so girly they can get, have been straightforward, direct and without the second guessing, what-if's that every other Woman get due to their time in heat or whatever they call it. And when I had My moments, I would slip into My music, into writing songs, getting on drums, etc, and it would go away. But now for 6 years, its changed and some things don't curb My emotions, and this thing in My life that I personally feel has forever screwed Me over. I feel worse sometimes because I feel so much for My Gary, My true love who is just the best thing that has ever happened to Me; i feel that I've somehow messed Him up. He says otherwise. And for the most part, I do believe Him.
What really ticks Me off, is that I've had other Women, family and others say; Well, it looks like God wants You to have children, He gave You another chance, etc etc. Now, I know theyre trying to show support and empathy, however, My completion and My life doesnt come from having children. And even when I have My moments of thinking; "hmm..you know, gee.." I get right back to down to My reality, thinking; "WHAT AND WHY IN THE HECK WOULD I RUIN OUR RELATIONSHIP? We have a great thing going, why screw it up? We've both had horrible experiences in our childhood? It didnt turn out good for us from our childhood, so why pass that on?".
So yah, why screw it up? What does God want? Why can't I get any resolve or peace from this condition? And no, Im not unhappy, just sorely confused.
Back into My music.
Sj
Ummps Bear Inc® Copyright material by Sarajane Mary Ward 2019©
I have a lot to say. It seems that the moment I've finished a post whether here or on My business social media profiles, I have more to say or more thoughts that I believe should be said.
That being said..
Let Me get something said and potentially straight with ye few but many who will read this. I thought after two horrible marriages, that I wasn't cut out for being happy. I wasn't even 30 when these two relationships ended and somehow I ended up being the bad guy. I was so used to living My life the way I chose to, and the hell with Me EVER conforming to being the submissive Woman by being the Housewife, barefoot with 10 kids. I wanted to rock out, make music, see and do things, make My own way. Even with barely making music or playing out live at a young age. I didn't want to end up like what every Woman that I saw around Me in My life. So I made darn sure that I didn't, even when I did marry at a young age. But I wasnt totally nasty or bitchy either. On the virge of giving up, I decided to go to a local pub about a week or so before I was to buy a one-way ticket to get the hell out of America. And yes, on the way to the loo, I meet the love of My life; Gary. We were both just recovering from really bad marriages.
And a heck of a LONG engagement, but we pretty much were living like we were married. And for the FIRST TIME in My life, I found someone who just loved Me for Me, understood Me and like Me a creative artist to help Me translate what I wanted to. So many many moons later, We start a duo.
We knew from the get go, that we were not going to change and just be happy and love each other and live happily ever after. All those years I've been so chill and not so much a typical female, hormonally crazy and all to no end. Now pushing 18 years come His next birthday. For so long, I've been quite steady in the heart and in the head, not even remotely thinking that I was susceptible to such a drastic change.
Bugger Me.. it happened.
Come 6yrs ago, it did. I changed. And especially after this last miscarriage; I definitely felt change in Me. And not just in the body, but in the head, and in My spirit. There's no running from this thing. And trying to talk to someone about it, is practically impossible. Not even a woman, all I have outside of My Husband, My Twin Soul, is God. I've never expected Myself to be so volatile, finicky and out of sorts. I've never used to second guess Myself and ride on hormonal feelings the way I have now since this "condition" happened. My mind and emotions, however girly or not so girly they can get, have been straightforward, direct and without the second guessing, what-if's that every other Woman get due to their time in heat or whatever they call it. And when I had My moments, I would slip into My music, into writing songs, getting on drums, etc, and it would go away. But now for 6 years, its changed and some things don't curb My emotions, and this thing in My life that I personally feel has forever screwed Me over. I feel worse sometimes because I feel so much for My Gary, My true love who is just the best thing that has ever happened to Me; i feel that I've somehow messed Him up. He says otherwise. And for the most part, I do believe Him.
What really ticks Me off, is that I've had other Women, family and others say; Well, it looks like God wants You to have children, He gave You another chance, etc etc. Now, I know theyre trying to show support and empathy, however, My completion and My life doesnt come from having children. And even when I have My moments of thinking; "hmm..you know, gee.." I get right back to down to My reality, thinking; "WHAT AND WHY IN THE HECK WOULD I RUIN OUR RELATIONSHIP? We have a great thing going, why screw it up? We've both had horrible experiences in our childhood? It didnt turn out good for us from our childhood, so why pass that on?".
So yah, why screw it up? What does God want? Why can't I get any resolve or peace from this condition? And no, Im not unhappy, just sorely confused.
Back into My music.
Sj
Ummps Bear Inc® Copyright material by Sarajane Mary Ward 2019©
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