What condition My condition was in..

Well hello everyone.  I know, the title huh? Well, I'd figured why not? I like the song from The First Edition(Kenny Rogers first band that I knew of as a child) Welcome few but many.  I'm not sure how or where to begin.  But after a long, hard thought about it, and prayers in the sense of My subconscious self;  I've finally decided to get off My duff and start writing about My journey of sorts.  Now, before I go on;  My goal and My hope is that, if there is someone out there who is or is about to go through what I've been through and will continue to go through until who knows when; that they get some comfort, relief and hopefully a blessing from it.    

Five years ago, I never thought I would ever experience something like this.  And as a Woman, this whole experience has My whole life really screwy.  All I can do is deal with it day by day, sometimes minute or second to second.  Everyone knows that all of us Ladies are built different and unique.  So, now if there is another Woman who is currently experiencing what I am, lets hang out and have a cuppa! 

So, let Me give You all a bit of a background of Me.   Oldest of five children, had to step up at a very young age to raise them everything short of monetarily providing for them and giving birth to them and no, that is NOT an exaggeration. 
From My first exam with a Gyno, at age 13.  I didnt exactly pay attention to what they and My Mother were discussing, except to say that I remember Her drawing a diagram of the Lady bits and that I would have problems as I got older.  I dont remember what they were, but since this "condition" is upon Me and has been, little bits and pieces of My life are returning.  Some that I don't care to remember. 

Without digressing too much; It all began when I began to hit puberty but not all of it, I had very few menstrual cycles.  In fact barely any.   Since I started having sex at 14 years old; with a high sex-drive, it was a shock that I never gotten pregnant nor a disease.  Moving on to the age of 17 (a few months away from 18), I moved in with My first real Boyfriend/Relationship and around that age, 
 I fell pregnant.  I didn't realize how far along I was until I was very nauseous and saw a Doctor, finding out that I was 6 months pregnant.  So, the plan was to give it up for adoption.  Then weeks later, I miscarried.   Turns out that I was unable to carry a child full term and had a DnC surgery along with it.  So, after healing through that, 3 months later I fell pregnant again.   I did this most horrible thing and had an abortion 5 weeks into it.  Still have issues forgiving Myself, no matter how many times I asked God to forgive Me. 
Young and scared You know.    

Anyways, after that, I talked to a Gyno to get on birth control. Not too long into it. I got very sick and was directed to get off of it.  By this time I was already 19 years old.  Fast forward to the age of 21, just married and moved to Florida.  I fell pregnant again and miscarried two more times.  Months and almost a year into My marriage, which ended up in divorce;  I noticed that something was way off.  No ovulation, no periods. Just the cramps. Saw 3 ObGyn's and I was told that I could NEVER have children naturally by conception along with not being able to carry them.   Surprisingly, I wasn't upset.  I was a musician, a creative person, wanting to make music and do something, be something.   I was told that I had some sort of condition in My body down there that stopped everything.  This was about 20yrs ago.  


After two bad and short marriages before the age of 30, out of the blue God led Me to a wonderful Man in 2007;  just when I was about to go back to England and say goodbye to America and the crap I had been through with ANOTHER bad relationship.  Then I met Gary.  On the way to the loo in a bar.  We had our first date on His birthday and we just fell in love.  And now we are hitting our 18th year together.  From day one, I told Him what happened to Me and I cannot have children.  He was just fine with it. He had two bad relationships and had children and was just done with it.  So, we were happy that way.

But wait there's more!

Fast forward to 2014.  I got diagnosed with an abnormal pap, it turned out that I had both the beginnings of cervical cancer AND ovarian cancer.  Gary stuck by Me and was there all the way when I had a biopsy and had it removed.  Been 100% healed ever since.   Then from an awesome OBGyn here in Gainesville, I was prescribed antibiotics and a hormone pill to bring back My cycles.  Which has never happened in the past from two other ObGyns since they tried the same thing.  

HOLY MOSES A MIRACLE AND A CURSE HAS HAPPENED! 

No sooner than I healed and took 3 stupid hormone pills  Everything came back! 
I had My first ovulation and period in almost 20 years!  And I was warned that it was possible that all of My ovaries and health down there, were "frozen in time" and that I may develop more eggs and go through what Girls go through when they hit puberty.   Well, they weren't kidding.   That also includes the typical pre-teen, teenage attitudes, feelings and mentality of the ages of 10-15yrs old.  And that My body was going to catch up.  So, Gary and I took precaution so that I wouldn't fall pregnant.    Come 2016, I got pregnant.  Shocked, upset and happy all at once; Gary, being so supportive, loving and protective, was there all the way.  Even when I miscarried at 17 weeks.  By guess what? You guessed it!  

A weak cervix.   Heartbroken and still am.  We both are.  And near 3 years later, and exams to make sure Im okay; I just found out that My fertility and production went back further.  So to sum it up, I'm an 11 year old with fresh new eggs and ovarian health in a body of a 43 year old. And I could potentially have children into My 70's.  Although, because of My age, and so on, they don't suggest that I try.  The upside, is that because of this "fountain of youth" of sorts.  This affects how I physically age.   So, I can truly say and other people always think that I'm in My 20's to 27 years old and since My Husband is in His 50's now, they think He's like Jerry Lee Lewis or something.    People are such jerks.

So.. Here we go again..

Oh I can promise You there's more coming.  So this is where I am. 

Peace out, 
Sj 








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All material written is protected by Me; ©2019 Sarajane Mary Ann Ward.

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